Disclosure

It took me and my husband six months to conceive our son.  In the beginning, when we made the decision to start “trying,” it was fun.  You know, as sex with your partner should be: lips entangled, legs flailing, and a little slice of heaven.  As the months went by it turned into: lips yammering about how “Baby Center said it’s our ideal day to try,” legs positioned straight up in the air following the deed, and feeling like hell every time another pregnancy test was thrown into the trash with a big fat negative sign on it.  Sex became less of a time for us to enjoy one another and, sadly, more of a means to an end.  I started questioning if my weight was keeping us from getting pregnant while secretly wondering if my husband was the one holding us back.  We started drifting further and further apart and that didn’t bring us any closer to making a baby.

So what helped us to get pregnant?  We stopped trying!  I know some people find that advice super annoying, however, it helped me to learn it takes takes the average couple six months to a year to get pregnant.  I realized there was no point in continuing to beat myself up or question my husband’s little guys.  One fateful night I happened to log onto Baby Center’s ovulation calculator to find out it was a perfect night for us to “try.”  That night my legs were up in the air and not in hopes of conception but because we had reclaimed our fun.

A few weeks later my baby-obsessed self returned with a handful of pregnancy tests purchased from the Dollar Store and an EPT two-pack.  After six months of trying I had mastered the art of peeing on many sticks of all different price ranges.  The first test I took was negative and my baby dreams started to fade once more. The day after taking that test I broke down and said a few spiteful hormone induced comments to my husband.  He remembers me calling his sperm lazy, but I’m sure I just said they weren’t very motivated.  Either way we had the shock of our lives when I tested positive the next day!

Flash-forward a little over two years later and my ovaries are aching for a baby as I’m chasing after a toddler.  Over this last year we’ve had a few “oops” where we had our fun unprotected and rolled the conception dice.  I, being a creature of habit, tested early and often and was pretty relieved with all of the negatives up until this month.

After always having a pretty regular cycle, it has been 36 days since my last period and I’ve taken no less than four tests all with negative results. I feel like I’m ready to be pregnant again yet my life was much different two years ago.  Those days, I went to water aerobics three times a week and ate healthier than I ever had in my life.  I know this pregnancy will be different as I’ll be the sleep deprived mama I currently am.  I preach that plus size doesn’t equal high risk but I also know even a 10% weight loss can increase my odds when trying to conceive and possibly make for an easier pregnancy.  I also have seen how quickly my obsessed self can return, hence the four negative pregnancy tests.

So what’s a girl with baby fever to do?  I’m taking my big fat negative and making it a positive!  From this point forward I’m considering myself pregnant and will live my life accordingly without being unreasonable.  I’m starting to take a daily prenatal vitamin and my husband and I are going to implement family walks.  You could say we’re going to start taking baby steps towards our next baby.  Now I’m not quite willing to give up my sushi addiction but I can forego alcohol (aside from very special occasions). I’m also going to start reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility to have a better understanding of how my body works. This book has helped a few of my friends to get pregnant, so I’m excited to start reading it.

I’m going to do my best to enjoy this time, focusing on developing healthier habits for my family of three before we’re a family of four.  As for me becoming less compulsive when it comes to testing, please let me know if there’s a cure!

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