@Alana jones, completely agree. I feel more ashamed than I already did having someone actually confirm the judgement that I figured was present.

I am a big girl and gave birth at 39, 3 mos before I turned 40. For my age alone, I was considered high risk; at the time, the literal diagnosis (for billing) said elderly primigravida, talk about making you feel incredibly old. I was also morbidly obese, have two genetic mutations that put my babies and my life at risk, serious risk, and have a list of mental health diagnoses that means I search for every worst possible outcome so I can “prepare” for…which, by the way, is impossible. My husband and I tried for 5 years, between the beginning of our attempts and the birth of our perfect Rainbow Baby, and when we stopped trying when he was 5, I have had over 40 chemical pregnancies and 1 nine-week miscarriage. When we got and stayed pregnant with R.B., we were over the moon.

Based on all my Other issues, I knew I’d have to be an MFM patient. There is 1 MFM practice in my area without having to drive nearly 2 hours. High-Risk pregnancy means there is no way I’m driving 2+ hours for labor and delivery. So, we went to the closest, 8 MFM OBs and 4 MFM NPs, and I don’t even know how many nurses there are. The one thing about all my appointments that stayed the same was my nurse, Heather.

Now, I learned at age 18 I had to advocate for myself. I have PCOS but wasn’t diagnosed until age 31. Every doctor from family medicine, internist, OG/GYN, and on and on, told me there was nothing wrong with me that the pill and some mental health care wouldn’t fix. Now, please understand that one of my gene mutations means that taking the pill could cause blood clots, yes, multiple to form and kill me…. so no, thank you, educated Dr. who should know this; I gave you my and my family med history. I fought to find doctors who would actually listen. Once I found her, I wasn’t giving her up.

So yes, I advocate for myself, but Will never forget what Heather did for me. Every visit I saw a different doctor, none of them made me feel at all bad about my weight, in fact, I was constantly cnongratulated on my healthy pregancy, same as they did for “normal” size ladies.

But there was one, he came into my exam room took one look at me, walked out, brought an intern back in with him and proceeded to give a lecture on why I would have to have a c-section, lifted my belly to show where the incision would be and ignore me. I was laying there in tears, when he lifted my belly, I tried to stop him, he told me that should be grateful that as I was way to fat to have a normal delivery it had to be a c-section. I was screaming at him when Heather came in and forced him put of the room yelling the entire time. It was then, the doctor I was supposed to see came into my exam room apologizing for the other doctor’s arrogance. Before I could even ask, Heather had him banned from my case.

The day I was admitted, I was sent upstairs at the hospital to be induced due to a sudden and unexpected hike in my BP. Even though it wasn’t her job, Heather stayed with me and made sure I didn’t even have to look at or talk to a size-biased doctor. The plan all along was for me to have normal labor and delivery but fate had other plans. I was induced and in labor for about 60 hours when the docs from my group canged. The new doc came in and started apologizing for thne previous one not seeing me. After a lengthy discussion we, together, decided I needed a c-section, labor had lasted to long without sufficient change.

My c-section which becaime an emergency, post op for 2 days and mother/baby care is another story and one of weight bias. But I wanted Heathers story, care and worry know. Without her, I don’t know what I would have done. And I am a self-advocator.. but she, tiny little Heather wou,d stand up to md’s twice her size to protect her patients.

@Maddi, I totally agree with you. I’m feel very self conscious about my upcoming delivery.

@Wes, I agree… all it did was make me feel more self conscious about my upcoming birth.

@Maddi, agreed. I don’t really get the point of the whole post. Didn’t make me feel comforted or seen in any way.

@Ender, I couldn’t agree more. This letter did not do what it was intended to for me. It made me feel so small and so much shame… and why? Because I’m overweight but still want to be a mom?! I wish I had more words, but this letter is flat-out not doing it for me. Wish I had never come across it.

@plussizebirth, I applaud your calm response to that. Ender… you need to relax. She owned her own prior judgements. She apologized. And she voiced that she would do better. She cannot change other people, nor can we as overweight moms. All we can do is advocate for ourselves. There was no need for you to come at her like this. Wow..