Dear Plus Size Mom: A Letter From A Labor And Delivery Nurse

It hurt a lot to read this letter. I honestly had never thought about my care providers judging me and ‘dreading’ having to care for me because I’m overweight… until I came across this ‘apology.’ I recognize the fact that you ‘own’ it and are changing, but I could have done without reading this at all. Reading this has given me anxiety about my very first pregnancy that otherwise would not have been there :( I work in healthcare, and maybe it’s because I am plus size, but I have never felt ‘dread’ when treating someone else who is plus size. This letter made me feel about the size of a pea. I’m hoping with all my heart that my healthcare team embraces me and lifts me up throughout my first pregnancy, because this letter just made me lose a lot of hope and excitement for my upcoming journey. We as humans need to do better and lift each other up, always, and in every setting! Do better.

As a plus size mama for the second time, thank you. This made me tear up for sure. I was fortunate to have an AMAZING team of nurses with my first born in Pittsburgh, but the doctors? They were often less than compassionate or comforting. It was my nurses that sang to me during my anxiety attack while getting an epidural just to complete cervical exams after my doctor told me it would be "quite difficult since you're obese" to find the right location and ensure the epidural would work. It was my nurses who came to watch HGTV with me while I was sitting awake and alone at 1am, scared and emotional. It was my nurses who snuck me into the NICU to see my baby. It was my nurses who held me and rubbed my back when the doctors would say ABC would be difficult because I was big. I thank God every day for my nursing team, and I pray that I get some more angels this time around as well. <3

I would like to second the recommendation that Ender made - that nurses and medical staff need to all be informed about this fat shaming in this area.

Perhaps the author can please consider writing or emailing or calling the medical publications around the country and have an article or series of articles about this topic to be published in them.

It has been 16 years since I have been pregnant, so I am a long ways away now from knowing what resources are available and things. But I imagine there are other blogs, magazines, newsletters, medical web boards, Facebook groups for medical providers, podcasts, maybe even radio show hosts, local tv networks, medical shows, female script writers who write for medical shows who can write plots to popular tv shows and movies .... all of this would help move thought in the right direction on this issue.

I was interviewed about a medical issue by an out of state medical journal a few months ago. It will be in a journal for the PA medical folks to read. It's through PA.gov.

Also, I want to mention that I wasn't a plus sized mom. I have always been curvy. I have never been skinny. I am definitely plus sized now, but as a pregnant woman, I wasn't. I gained close to 100 lbs with my first child. Took off most of the weight then got pregnant again. Holy cow. That's been quite the journey!

Anyway, my first child was born at almost 10 lbs. I gave birth at home with a certified nurse-midwife and a doula, with only my partner and step-mom in attendance during labor and delivery. I gave birth at home a second time with my second child and had an aqua doula to help during labor.

My first child came out and wasn't breathing and the midwife and doula used an oxygen tank and got him breathing. It all worked out. I just find it hard to believe that someone who is overweight is chronically shamed because "their baby may be big and they may have issues." Well, I was in a normal range and my baby was definitely big and had some issues. And it was handled with grace by a nurse-midwife and doula. No doctor in attendance. At home.

I hope this blog post gets widely shared by everyone and not just by folks it applies to. Everyone - let's share the dickens out of this and raise awareness of this issue to help out of our friends who deal with fat-shaming ALL THE TIME.

Thank you for this blog post.

As a plus size mom, I lucked out with an OB who never made me feel like I was less than because I was obese. That being said, she did recommend that I get induced and I *did* have a big baby - he was 9lbs, and developed shoulder dystocia during birth. They got him out safely without any injury but it was touch and go there for awhile. Not *every* recommendation for an induction due to gestational size is BS. Just sayin'!

Hows about you tell your coworkers to stop mistreating fat patients? Hows about you call their mistreatment out as it happens? Hows about YOU ADVOCATE FOR YPUR PATIENTS INSTEAD OF PLACING THE ONUS ON THEM! Stop demanding the victim end their abuse and start demaning your abusive coworkers stop abusing their fat patients. Stop telling fat women to suck it up and let it go! No. Absolutely not. Do better. Be better. Or get a different job. Plain and simple. Its not a fat persons job to make sure the doctor treats them proper, ITS THE STAFFS JOB TO ACTUALLY DO THEIR JOBS! This post makes me so angry how you low key victim blame tf out of the fat people being harmed and dealing with literal malpractice from medical "professionals". Shut up. Do your job. Advocate for your patients. Shut down abuse WHEN IT HAPPENS, and stop demanding the victims of that abuse be liable for the abuse they suffer. No.