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My Big Fat Negative

If you know what it's like to see one big fat negative pregnancy test after another, this article is for you! 

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It took me and my husband six months to conceive our son.

In the beginning, when we made the decision to start “trying,” it was fun. You know, as sex with your partner should be: lips entangled, legs flailing, and a little slice of heaven.

As the months went by it turned into something different. Lips yammering about how “Baby Center said it’s our ideal day to try.” Legs positioned straight up in the air following the deed. Then feeling like hell every time another pregnancy test was thrown into the trash with a big fat negative sign on it.

Sex became less of a time for us to enjoy one another and, sadly, more of a means to an end.

I started questioning if my weight was keeping us from getting pregnant. While secretly wondering if my husband was the one holding us back.

We started drifting further and further apart and that didn’t bring us any closer to making a baby.

So what helped us to get pregnant?  We stopped trying!  

I know some people find that advice super annoying. However, it helped me to learn it takes the average couple six months to a year to get pregnant. I realized there was no point in continuing to beat myself up or question my husband’s little guys.

One fateful night I happened to log onto Baby Center’s ovulation calculator to find out it was a perfect night for us to “try.”  That night my legs were up in the air and not in hopes of conception but because we had reclaimed our fun.

A few weeks later my baby-obsessed self returned with a handful of pregnancy tests including a four-pack.

After six months of trying I had mastered the art of peeing on many sticks of all different price ranges.

The first test I took was negative and my baby dreams started to fade once more.

The day after taking that test I broke down and said a few spiteful hormone-induced comments to my husband. He remembers me calling his sperm lazy, but I’m sure I just said they weren’t very motivated.

Either way, we had the shock of our lives when I tested positive the next day!

Related: Braeden’s Birth Story: Plus Size Natural Childbirth With A Midwife

Flash-forward a little over two years later and my ovaries are aching for a baby as I’m chasing after a toddler.

Over this last year, we’ve had a few “oops” where we had our fun unprotected and rolled the conception dice.

I, being a creature of habit, tested early and often and was pretty relieved with all of the negatives up until this month.

After always having a pretty regular cycle, it has been 36 days since my last period and I’ve taken no less than four tests all with negative results.

I feel like I’m ready to be pregnant again yet my life was much different two years ago.

Those days, I went to water aerobics three times a week and ate healthier than I ever had in my life. I know this pregnancy will be different as I’ll be the sleep-deprived mama I currently am.

I preach that plus size doesn’t equal high risk. But I also know even a 10% weight loss can increase my odds when trying to conceive and possibly make for an easier pregnancy. I also have seen how quickly my obsessed self can return, hence the four negative pregnancy tests.

So what’s a girl with baby fever to do?

I’m taking my big fat negative and making it a positive!

From this point forward I’m considering myself pregnant and will live my life accordingly without being unreasonable.

I’m starting to take a daily prenatal vitamin and my husband and I are going to implement family walks.  

You could say we’re going to start taking baby steps towards our next baby.

Now I’m not quite willing to give up my sushi addiction but I can forego alcohol (aside from very special occasions).

I'm also going to start reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It will help me to have a better understanding of how my body works. This book has helped a few of my friends to get pregnant, so I'm excited to start reading it.

I’m going to do my best to enjoy this time. Focusing on developing healthier habits for my family of three before we’re a family of four.  As for me becoming less compulsive when it comes to testing, please let me know if there’s a cure!

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Breanna Mccall

Wednesday 2nd of October 2019

It’s a few year layer but did you ever conceive? I’m really interested in an update?

plussizebirth

Friday 4th of October 2019

Thanks for asking. I did get pregnant again, but sadly it needed in a miscarriage.

Rebecca Wilson

Friday 12th of October 2018

Thank you for the article. It took us six months to conceive our daughter who is almost 4. We have been trying for another baby for the last 3 years. I decided to try to loose some weight and lost that 10% over the last 6 months. I am currently about 3 days late from my predicted period date but terrified to test as I have had a lot of negatives over the last few years.

Your story is very inspiring to me and has helped me hope.

nicole

Wednesday 14th of March 2018

Any updates?! Would love to know, plus?

plussizebirth

Thursday 15th of March 2018

We had a pregnancy loss and then stopped trying. Not the happiest of updates but who knows what the future holds :) Thanks for asking!

Hannah

Wednesday 6th of November 2013

I stumbled across this on pinterest. I weigh anywhere from 300-310 depending on what day I weigh and am also 6'3 tall. Most of my weight is in my belly. Last year, I set out to make myself healthier. I worked out 4 days a week for 30 minutes and cut my caloric intake almost in half. I did this from January through May. I lost 0 lbs and 2 inches. That's it. My cycles are regular, to the hour (if not minute) and since they began, I've missed maybe 3 (due to stress). My husband and I are on our 19th month of TTC. We actively tried (charting, ovulation test kits, legs up!) for 9 of those months before I got broke down over 9 months of BFN. We decided we would stop the charting. Stop having sex to say we had sex, and start being normal and if it happens, it happens. 13 months later, and I am still not pregnant. We've taken at home sperm analysis tests, to measure his count, which have come back positive. I ovulate, or at least show a rise in the LH hormone, every single month. Yet nothing.

It is so encouraging to find a place where other women are willing to share their losses and trials too. Thank you for the renewed hope :)

Kristina

Monday 4th of November 2013

Hubby & I have tried for 7 years now. I had a misscarriage 7 years ago (sent my Bioclock in HIGH gear) and last year I misscarried on Oct 20. I've pretty much given up hope of concieving or carying to term. I am a large woman (5'6" 270lbs) and have always been large but up until college I was healthy, never over 180, I was active but still "obese" in college/work I gained 100 lbs in a year and was diagnosed with a lot of stuff that actually, we find out now, was the CAUSE of the weight. I don't eat a ton of junk food, but I am very non active now, due to the issues. And where I live there isn't any late night water pools for me to excersise in, and due to when I used to work and Hubbys schedule now, I'm a night owl, I'm also afraid of being in the public (large crowds) so going during the day time is a big issue. But next year Hubby and I will be getting an above ground pool for me to work out in during the warm months, and hopefully I will continue to lose weight until then and during then so that this time next year the issues I have wrong with me won't be as severe and I won't be limited to low impact exercise...

Good luck on your baby making ^_^ Have fun! and you have a great plan set out for yourself and your future baby!