This article, and my personal hot plus size sex story (yup, you read that correctly!), originally appeared on Peachie Moms (a body positive project I co-founded). I'm sharing it on the Plus Mommy blog in hopes it helps other mamas to feel ready to have hot sex after baby!
If you’re in a partnership, intimacy (in many different forms) is a necessary component of a healthy relationship.
Sex is something you need to make time for, even if that means scheduling sexy-time on your calendar. And there’s nothing wrong with that!
Connecting with your partner sexually will enhance your relationship in other areas.
So, even though sex may seem like just another task on your to-do list, try to reframe how you think about it. It’s an investment in your relationship and in yourself.
Regardless of your body type or current state of self-love, you deserve pleasure in the bedroom!
My story of having hot plus size sex!
I got married 7 years ago and I’ve always heard about the 7-year itch. You know, the idea that after 7 years, your marriage will take a decline.
Well, this past weekend I had some of the hottest sex of my life…with my husband!
He scratched my 7-year itch in all the right places, even (and especially) a few he hadn’t scratched in a while. It was magical and lasted until 5:00 am (I’m still trying to catch up on sleep!).
One of the reasons why we had such an incredibly fun (and hot!) time was because just a few days before, I had expressed some insecurities about my body.
As hard as it is to admit, I’m now about 100 pounds heavier than the first time my husband saw me naked when I was a mere 21 years old.
A lot has changed in the past 15 years.
Yet my sex drive is back to where it was when I was 21…probably even stronger. That means, while I’m wanting hot sex more than ever, there’s been that insecurity holding me back.
When I talked to my husband about how I was feeling insecure, he stopped me mid-sentence to reassure me of how much he loves me and my body.
Hearing him tell me how much he still loves my body, with my droopy post-breastfeeding boobs and ginormous booty, was incredibly sexy! It made me feel kinda like I was that hot 20-something all over again.
The older I become, the more I realize that communication is one of the sexiest things you can have in bed! It sure has made a difference in my marriage, creating more connection both in and out of the bedroom.
Here are 4 ways to have hot sex after baby (even if that baby is heading off to middle school)!
1. Clothing Optional
What makes you feel sexy? If it’s being naked then that’s fabulous!! We know many mamas, however, prefer to feel a little covered up.
You’d be surprised how many steals you can find on lingerie at places like Ross, TJ Maxx, and Amazon. When it comes to stockings, we can’t say enough good things about Kixies. They actually stay up on mamas of ALL sizes!
We’re not saying you need leather and lace from head to toe, but a little bit of sexy fabric over your skin can go a very long way in making you feel super-hot!
Now that we’ve talked about clothing options, it’s time to accessorize, and we don’t mean with a strand of pearls – though they can be useful in the bedroom too!
The use of toys and erotic books are personal preferences. However, we encourage you to have an open mind because statistically 75% of women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone.
Therefore, a little buzzzzz can go a very long way and bedtime stories aren’t just for the kids!
Women especially tend to become very aroused when reading erotica so, if you’re struggling to get in the mood, this might be a good place to start.
We also want to mention that Kegel balls can help to strengthen the muscles of the vagina, something that we mamas are often concerned about post-baby.
Stronger Kegels mean stronger orgasms and fewer incidents of peeing when you sneeze (don’t act like you don’t know what we’re talking about!) so start clenching!
3. Lube Is Love
We’re just going to say these words and get them out of the way – vaginal dryness. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and it’s super common after becoming a mother.
Our estrogen levels wax and wane throughout the motherhood journey, leading to a sometimes Sahara-like environment down there which isn’t pleasurable for anyone. Thankfully, the solution is quite easy and can be a lot of…well…fun!
Lube. Use lube. Lots and lots of lube! Think about sexy-time like a slip-and-slide because, without the slip, it’s hard to slide.
4. Express Yourself
As you read my story above, being open and honest with your partner is the key to having hot sex after baby.
We know though that doing so can leave you feeling just as vulnerable as you’d feel standing naked before them with the lights on (something else we highly recommend when you’re ready).
If finding and using your voice sounds like something you want to work on, take a deep breath, make sure the timing feels right, and start stripping down some of the emotional walls you’ve built. Share either some of your insecurities or your deepest desires or fantasies.
If you’re not feeling up to saying these things verbally, try writing them down. Be open. Be honest. And be ready to watch your sexual relationship move to a whole new level (which, we promise, will help you in other areas of your relationship as well).
When you feel sexy, have a few new tools to use, and can share your desires with your partner, hot sex after baby is totally possible!! Now you just need to be careful not to wake the kids!
I hope you found these tips helpful!
If you still feel like you're not ready to fully let go then I want to help you learn to love your postpartum body. I've co-authored the book, The Peachie Moms Guide To Body Love For Moms, with my Peachie Moms Partner, Amanda Edwards.
“This positively peachie book makes body love manageable for mothers. From head to toe, stretchmark to scar, Peachie Moms co-founders Amanda Edwards and Jen McLellan bring body love to life for mothers of all shapes and sizes.”
Click here to get your copy today!
You Might Also Like: Let’s Talk About Sex: Postpartum & Plus Size Sex