Forced Cesarean – Hilary’s Birth Story
When Hilary shared her forced cesarean birth story my heart broke.
Sadly, far too often care providers judge a person’s ability to give birth by their weight.
This is Hilary’s heart-wrenching story…
“You are too obese to give birth vaginally, so you will be having a C-section.”
These are the first words I remember my OB-GYN saying to me.
I was 5.5 weeks pregnant and weighed in at 211 lbs. I left his office stunned.
As I drove home crying, the guilt washed over me.
How could this be?
How could I do this to myself?
What about my baby, will this affect him?
Will it affect breastfeeding?
Once my husband got home, we talked about it- he seemed fine with it, he was born via c-section so he thought nothing of it.
Related: C-Section For Plus Size Women: Everything You Need To Know!
For my next doctor's appointment, I decided to not mention my concerns about having a c-section until we were closer to my due date.
I walked to the back and the nurse weighed me. I turned around because I wasn't going to stress myself out by watching the numbers on the scale.
Gently, I told the nurse that I really preferred not to know my weight, to which she replied, “OH yea, OK.” As I got off the scale I expected her to put the scale back to O lbs, instead, she left it and smiled.
At first, I thought I was just sensitive and tried not to take it personally. She then took my blood pressure, she yelled right in my face, “YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE IS TOO HIGH! You need to calm yourself.”
I was shocked. Was yelling at me supposed to help?
This struck me as strange but I thoughts, ok everyone has a bad day – this nurse doesn't really know me yet, and maybe I have a little ‘white coat syndrome.
The rest of the appointment was pretty standard.
Related: 4 Things No One Tells You About Being Plus Size and Pregnant
Nine weeks into my pregnancy, I began spotting.
I was terrified, this was my first child. I didn’t know that it could be from sex or the transvaginal ultrasound. So, I called the doctor and they squeezed me in for an appointment that morning.
There I was, alone in this paper gown, bleeding and thinking the worst; I was doing everything I could to keep from crying in front of the staff.
In walks the nurse, and she asked me why I was there again.
I told her about the spotting and that I was very scared. She let out a big sigh and basically laughed me off.
I was fuming when she went to take my blood pressure and asked her if she would please wait until after the ultrasound.
The nurse laughed and said no.
Again I had high blood pressure (shocker, right?) and again she yelled at me that I needed to calm myself and stop making something out of nothing.
Related: Large Arms and the Wrong Size Blood Pressure Cuff
Thankfully my baby was fine.
The doctor explained that spotting could be just normal for me; however, I needed to be on modified bed rest until further notice.
Every appointment after this went the same way, the nurse would weigh me, I would ask her to zero out the scale- which she wouldn’t do, followed by telling me the amount I gained that week.
Then she would take my blood pressure and when it was high, she would scream at me.
Related: Dear Plus Size Mom: A Letter From A Labor And Delivery Nurse
As my plus size pregnancy progressed, I kept feeling as though she was doing this to somehow shame me about my size and weight, but why?
Nurses have always been the people I respected the most, my mother is a nurse and I’ve seen her handle people in many situations and she was NEVER judgmental or cruel.
What could possibly be so bad about me, that this nurse felt she had to make me feel like I was some kind of monster?
I tried not to let it all get to me; after all, she was only at the doctor’s office, not in the delivery room.
Related: Doctor Appointments Alone When You Are Fearful Of Fat-Shaming
When I was about 30 weeks pregnant, talk of the c-section came up again.
I decided to speak up and make myself heard by telling the doctor that I would like to try for a vaginal birth.
I wanted to be induced at 39 weeks instead of my appointment for the c-section.
He reluctantly agreed, but I could tell he was against it.
Thursday before my Monday induction I went in for my final check-up. The nurse stuck to her same schedule, weight (257 lbs), and then blood pressure.
She then screamed louder than she ever had, “You have such high blood pressure, WHY CAN’T YOU JUST CALM DOWN!” She ran out of the room before I could scream back at her.
In came the doctor, “You may be preeclamptic- I am sending you to the hospital and you may be having the c-section today. Your blood pressure is 160/110. They are waiting for you in Labor and Delivery.”
Out he walked. I sat on the table in shock.
I kept it together as I walked out of the office but I hit the parking garage and it hit me- every emotion rushed through me and before I knew it, I was hysterical calling my husband and telling him to meet me at the hospital.
Related: 7 Things To Pack In Your Hospital Bag When You’re Plus Size
We checked in and somehow in my hysteria, I was put in a gown and hooked up to every machine this hospital had.
The labor and delivery nurse was so warm and kind to us. She explained every possible thing that could happen or was happening.
The blood pressure machine started up for the first reading… 147/80.
“A little high.” Said the nurse. “You lay here and relax while I ask you some questions.”
She began asking all of the questions I expected.
How bad has your swelling been? Not that bad.
Have you had any headaches? Nope.
Have you been seeing spots? Nope.
The nurse asked me about my blood pressure and I told her exactly what had been going on with the nurse at the OBGYNs office.
She said that high blood pressure would be normal then! The nurse asked what my blood pressure was when the doctor took it- my response was simple, he’s never taken it.
She was shocked, as was I!
I never realized that he just always been taking her word for it! Even this time! The nurse left the room and would come back periodically to check my blood pressure readings. All of which were normal.
Related: C-Section: The Easy Way Out…A Birth Story
The nurse came in one last time to tell me that they were not going to deliver my baby since there was no reason for it. She also told me that she gave that doctor a what-for about his staff!
I finally felt like I was being treated like a human again.
The big day finally arrived and we went to begin the induction process. At 8:00 pm they applied the Cervadil to my cervix and they gave me something to help sleep through the contractions.
9:00 am they began the Pitocin.
10:00 am another wonderful nurse brought in my OB. He tried to check me but because I was in pain I flinched and he wouldn’t make the effort to calm me, so he just stood back up and said I was having a c-section.
After being in labor all night and exhausted, I was crying hysterically.
I wasn’t even given a chance! I could hear the nurse yell at him in the hallway and he yelled back.
A few minutes went by and she came back in. She sat down next to me, held my hand, and told me that the doctor had already ordered the c-section.
She tried to be cheery when she asked what time I would like my baby’s birthday, 12:00 pm or 4:00 pm. 4:00 pm it was.
Related: Summer’s Birth Story: Controlled C-Section
A few hours later the Anesthesiologist walked in. He complained about my weight and how hard it will be to put the spinal block in. “Can you even sit Indian Style?”
Well, I may be big, but I am certainly not too big to sit cross-legged.
He was totally shocked that I was able to do this! The whole time he was looking at my back he was making comments about how big I was.
How big I was? Is 257lbs that enormous? People must see me and want to vomit!
Again the guilt set in. How could I do this to myself? It’s my fault that I can’t have my baby naturally.
The moment to walk back came and in I went. Shockingly they had no problem ding the spinal block! My husband was let in and sat beside me.
They prepped me and began the procedure.
Within a few minutes, I heard the cries of my beautiful child! “Cord x2!” was shouted shortly after the cries began.
My son had the cord wrapped twice around his neck, which would explain the REAL reason for a c-section, there was no way for him to descend into my pelvis.
It had nothing to do with my weight.
They sewed me back up and took my baby boy to the nursery to clean him, my husband went with him.
When it came time to lift me back onto the gurney, the chatter started again. “We are going to need like 5 people just to move her.” I pretended not to hear this.
All that really mattered was my child. He was finally here and damn, was he gorgeous!
Related: Should I Share My Birth Story (Even If Things Didn’t Go As Planned)?
Thankfully breastfeeding came naturally to us, no issues there.
But the guilt of the c-section was still lingering until I really thought about it.
While it would have impossible to have him naturally, due to the cord, did the doctor give up on me to quickly?
Did he think that I was just fat and lazy?
Was he ever going to allow me to try?
Or was the Pitocin the way to shut me up?
These questions will continue to haunt me for a long time, but none of it matters now.
Jonathan will celebrate his first birthday on June 8th, and that day is just a memory now.
Pregnant, with my second child, I have to have a c-section again.
The “rule” is no VBAC when the next pregnancy is within 2 years of the last.
I have accepted it now – I know it is not my fault, all that matters, in the end, is a healthy baby and a healthy mommy!!
Unfortunately, Hilary's forced cesarean story is not unique. There are countless studies to confirm a care provider bias against people of size.
It is critical to work with a size-friendly care provider during your plus size pregnancy. Get your copy of the My Size-Friendly Care Providers Guide, today!
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Oh! that broke my heart as a plus size c section mommy myself. How dare that nurse and doctor treat Hilary that way!! I have hit the 300# mark with this baby and tho i am not proud to be a fat kid I would def not put up with that abuse. Fortunately I had a great ob with my first daughter and now have a wonderful midwife and we will be doing a home birth cus i may be fat but I can still have the birth I want!!
Hilary- You & your baby are gorgeous! I am so sorry to hear of the crap treatment that office provided (I hope you have a much more respectful team now!)
I wish you a smooth & easy birth however it occurs. I know there are all sorts of hospital "rules" around VBAC, but there are other places that would give you a chance still- if you choose to pursue it. I became a doula after my c/s birth of my first because I wanted women to have information & support & a voice in their own care, & not be subject to close minded docs who judge to quickly based on their assumptions alone.
Whatever path your journey follows- may you be strong & respected & continue to grow as a strong & amazing Mom willing to do whatever it takes to bring her babies home safe & secure.
211lbs isn't that heavy! That's insane! I can't believe that you stuck with the same OB practice. I would have left. I'm glad everything turned out okay. Time to go get my baby out of his crib now, or I'd write more
This story made me sick. I hate the fact that you had to put up with such disrespect. I know too well that your story is not unique I myself have a sadly similar story. My Ob knew how much I wanted a vaginal delivery and lied to me telling me my daughter would die if i didn't have a c-section, because her water was so low and that I need an emergancy C-section. Later I found this was not the case. I agree with Slan that if you want to try for a VBAC there are ways even with a hospital that has banned them. Good luck with #2 I hope this pregnancy brings another beautiful healthy baby for you.
First of all, a lot of babies have the cord around their necks, and this doesn't necessarily, or even often, stop them from coming down and putting pressure on the cervix.
Second of all, I had a VBAC 17 months after my C section. This isn't an absolute rule everywhere. Please find a different doctor or even a midwife. There is NO reason to think you cannot give birth.
Susan Peterson
This is such a sad story! I'm so sorry you were treated so harshly, no-one deserves others to be so judgemental. How dare they! 200lbs isn't that big anyway!
I agree with Susan, the cord being around the neck was not unusual. It often happens. Here in the UK there is no rule about no VBAC within two years. As a doula I recently supported a lady having a HBAC with her 15 month old daughter present. If you want to give birth naturally, you can 🙂
Good luck in your journey! xx
I am so sorry for the way you have been treated. This is horrible! Your pictures show a beautiful mother and baby. Please educate yourself on birth. You are your own best advocate. You really aren't that heavy. Also, don't give up on having a VBAC! If your doctor did his job you're probably fine to have one. My daughter was born naturally at home in the water at 13 months after my son's c-section. Than 21 months later we had another daughter at home in the water. Don't give up! Be strong!
I feel so angry for the way you were treated 🙁 I was forced into my 1st c-section and it had nothing to do with my weight but the size of my baby. I could have done it and he did not weight as much as they thought he would….any ways and I was forced into my second section because my Dr. refused to do a VBAC. Both of my children were healthy I had very heathly pregnancies but the end results were unneccessary sections 🙁 I feel for you hunny. Being ripped off of having a real birthing experience hurts 🙁
I am so sorry of your horrible experience. I tipped the scale at 295 when I delivered my son via c-section. He had been Frank Breech since 18 weeks and I did not want to try to turn him because he was measuring big and the success rate was not high. I have learned that we need to be our own advocates and certainly change offices if you can!! I am disgusted that people think they can treat any mom like this.
We are TTC our second child as our first son turns two and I hope and pray that I will have a successful VBAC and will find a doctor/hospital that is willing to work with me. I wish your family the best!
You could always consider changing care providers. Why stick with one with such negative and mean people? You deserve better.
And just because this practice has a rule about no VBAC within 2 years doesn't mean that others have this rule. Look around. It should be YOUR decision, not theirs.
Part of becoming an empowered person of size is not putting up with crappy treatment. Most of the time there are other choices for care out there, you just have to find them.
May you have a respectful experience this time, whatever you decide to do! You deserve it.
p.s. Make sure they are using a LARGE bp cuff on you. A too-small cuff can significantly elevate your BP. If BP is potentially an issue for you, correct cuff size is critical.
How very sad. I never had a problem with any of that… I went to midwives, and only one of them (they switched out days) ever commented on how "big" I was… I started my pregnancy at 255 and ended at 271. They did tell me I would need a csection if I didn't deliver my baby soon, after 24 hours of labor. I can't believe that people could be so cruel to you. You should have tried to switch OB's. That's just horrible.
I completely understand how hard it is to deal with doctors and nurses who shame you and make you feel like you've done something wrong in deciding to have a child. It's hard when you have insurance with limitations to just pick up and go elsewhere.
I wasn't allowed to use a midwife in my health insurance network. I am not allowed a home birth. I was kicked from one doctor's practice to another because I was "high risk" (though, my blood pressure is great, my glucose is perfect, all of my labs are great).
You start to really think it's all your fault. I've FINALLY found a doctor I love in our practice and I feel incredibly lucky, though I am fearful of the c-section being forced, as well, at the end of everything. I realized during this, that my husband and I are my best advocates and the doctors aren't interested in what I want, just what serves them best.
Good luck to you in this next pregnancy. I hope you can find a doctor who will actually work with you and not against you.
I am so touched reading all of these comments.. Thank you for your kind words and bless you all!:)
I am so sad that your doctor and his staff were so horrible to you! I hope you have found a different doctor. I was supposed to go to one ob and his receptionist made me cry the day I found out I was pregnant. (I had 2 miscarriages before this) I called my GP crying and begged him to let me stay with him. (he does do OB)He said of course and treated me like a queen. Anytime I was worried or didn't feel the baby move I could run over and listen to the heart beat. Nothing was blown off or not taken seriously. I weighed 205 when I got pregnant and gained 15 lbs. I watched what I ate, etc. My daughter ended up being 14 days late and she was 8lbs 12 oz. I ended up with a c/s and was devastated that I couldn't get pregnant normaly and I couldn't give birth normaly. It took me a couple years after I had my son by c/s after a failed vbac. he was 9lbs 2 oz. I fought to try for the vbac and my doc let me try even though they doubted he would fit.
Looking back I am happy that I am blessed with these two angels who are now teenagers. And I am happy that I had c/s actually. It took me a very long time to make peace with it. BUT I believe that actually a c/s is more dangerous if you are overweight. Any surgery is. There is no medical reason why an overweight woman needs to have a c/s unless she does have a medical reason. No matter what this doctor is a poor excuse for a medical professional!
oh honey! my heart aches for you, and as a woman of size, i know the shame and pain of unfeeling medical persone. but they are not all like that, i am 34 weeks with baby #4, and weigh 270 lbs. my Dr is wonderful, and so is his staff, but he's not the dr i started this pregnancy with. my first dr was horrid, and luckily, i had the chance to change, and i did at 20 weeks. you pay for the care you recieve, they work for you, you deserve the best care there is! remeber that.
I am shocked and appalled to hear of the horrendous treatment you received! This is just unbelievable to me. I too was over weight but nobody ever treated me with such insensitivity! I thought I had it bad because I had to have two c-sections. I am so very sorry your pregnancy and birthing experience has so many negative memories attached to it. Your baby is beautiful. Congratulate yourself on creating a perfect, beautiful human being.
Damn! Not only disrespectful but.. Geez.
No the rule isn’t no VBAC before 2 years, 12 months yes, 18 months is sort of iffy but they should give you a trail of labor. And yes fat moms VBAC. I don’t recommend it if you can avoid it but my first VBAC was 18 months after my oldest was born, and I weigh above 300lbs – no one ever spoke to me that way, they were direct about my weight (yes I am obese, I know that and I am not going to kid around) but you don’t want another c-section if you can help it especially because of your weight (increased complications because of second surgery and increased complications from obesity).
I am so sorry you had to go through with that, no idea why folks feel that fat means okay to ridicule.
So many things about this upset me. It upsets me that doctors make good money and yet some can’t afford the patience that somebody like me, a former teacher, could give to a classroom of kindergartners for pennies compared to what they would make. It upsets me that people who should be entering this business for the love and compassion of humanity take advantage of their titles and abuse them. But mostly it upsets me because what happened to you happens to a lot of women and that is sad.
Thats so hard to read. Its such a shame that doctors can be like that. What’s sad is that most of the women i know that are “normal/average” size are the ones that have the complications. They need to start looking outside the box. As a nurse, im sadden to hear how your doctors nurse treated you…she doesn’t deserve her license. Congrats on baby #2 but I would say look around before you give into another csection. Best of luck to you!
I am so sory that happened to you mama! I was angry and frustrated for you as I read this. It is never ok to treat another human being this way. It sickens me to think so many people feel so entitled to act this way.
Your baby is gorgeous!